Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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