I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
