Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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