you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
