so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
