my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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