I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
