you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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