i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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