All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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