I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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