I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
