Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
