ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
