ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
