dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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