Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
