Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize