can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
