So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Shame is for Republicans.
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