I'll bet she douches with gravy.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
