They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
COCAINE IS GR8
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
