i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize