cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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