Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
