alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
