Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize