Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
