i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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