I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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