I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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