No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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