the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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