At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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