I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i've created a new STD.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
