Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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