Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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