Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
