So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
