Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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