He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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