His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
