Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize