My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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