At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
