At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
