i already hear my dad disowning me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
