Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
