did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
