I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
