yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
