evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
