I just pynch a tree in the face
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
