I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize