if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
