I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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