did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
