yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
