I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
