mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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