Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
