My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Rumble strips road head = magical
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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