my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
