Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
