Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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