let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
