Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We had sex on a dog bed..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
