well I can't set my house on fire every night
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
