While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
