i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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