Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
